This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
Randomize
