I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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