GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
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