At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
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