Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
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