According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
so much tequila, so little girl.
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
But we have bathrooms and they dont
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