You did a strip tease for the toilet.
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
Randomize
