you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
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