got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
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