I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
Randomize
