Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
That reminds me...we need to get swords
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Randomize
