While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
this hospital has no fireball
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
Randomize
