I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
I want a musical about memes.
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
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