I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
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