some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
Randomize
