My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
