dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
Green mimosas i think yes
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
What changed your mind?
Being sober
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
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