I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize
