i mean i cnt help that this campus has the highest STI rate
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
Randomize
