Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Randomize
