I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
Randomize
