Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
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