I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
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