Taylor Swift is so right about you.
If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
Randomize