Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Randomize
