i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
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