youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
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