the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
Randomize
