dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
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