I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
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