Its a bunch of hippies dancing in front of a stobe light. For ten dollars I could have gone to the strip club and at least had a lap dance
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
