then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
I love you so must. You as do fraty. You are truly my veste breakable (ties I wtf racket Andover). Luce you. Have a safe drive bio dough failover.
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
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