i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize
