She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
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