if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
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