Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
