rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
I'm pretty sure that every show on ABC Family could be turned into a drinking game.
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
Randomize
