i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
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