Swine flu. Run for my life!
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
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