So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
Randomize
