There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Randomize
