is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
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