would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
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