I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
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