somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
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