You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
If its not for food we ain't going out.
Randomize
