Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
Randomize
