he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
Reggie can tackle my bush.
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
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