Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
Randomize
