omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
Randomize
