HIV tests are more positive than that guy
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
Randomize
