just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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