I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
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