I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
Randomize
