Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
