So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
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