Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
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