My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
