Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
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