Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
Your topless pictures make me question reality
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
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