the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
Randomize
