My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
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