I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
