PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
don't judge my taste in strippers
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
Randomize
