I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
