I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
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