glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
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