so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
