I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
Randomize