We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
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