p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
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