matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Randomize
