I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
Randomize
