Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Randomize
