Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
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