oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Randomize
