Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
Randomize
