$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
Randomize
