Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
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