life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
Randomize
