Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Randomize
