I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
Randomize
