As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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