I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
Randomize
