Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
She told me I should be a condom model.
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
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