If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
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