Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
Randomize
