I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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