and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
