SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
Randomize
