Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
Randomize
