either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
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