I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
Randomize
